65 Reasons to Treating a Bartender Right

We serve you alcohol and clean up after you so you can have a good time, maybe go home with 'that special person over there', or so you can get over a not-so-great week... Now here's how ur supposed to act once you get to the bar because 90% of you all have no idea. And Yes, a tip is mandatory, and no matter where you are $.50 doesn't cut it.

1. Our names are NOT "Hey" or "Yo", nor do we respond to whistles or banging your bottle or glass on the bar! If you ever do get your drink you can be sure we will serve everyone else at the bar before we decide to serve you.

2. Mouth closed, money out! Just because we look at you, doesn't mean we're ready for you! Just because we haven't looked at you doesn't mean that we don't know you are there. WE KNOW YOU ARE THERE!

3. If we are making drinks, do NOT say, "When you get a chance." When we get a chance, you will know!

4. Never....ever...."EVER".... touch the bartender!

5. DO NOT tell us you bartend too! We'll know if you do or don't by the way you conduct yourself!

6. There is NO SUCH DRINK called 'Kettle One and Vodka'!!!

7. If you order a "Diet Rum and Coke" instead of "rum and Diet Coke", we will look at you like the drunk asshole idiot that you are!

8. DO NOT start the order off with, "GIVE ME A STRONG DRINK!" You are guaranteed to have the WEAKEST DRINK EVER!!

9. DO NOT say "I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU" if you don't know what that means! $1.00 tip is NOT taking care of us! I REPEAT!!!! LEAVING ONE DOLLAR ($1.00) IS "NOT" TAKING CARE OF US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***

10. We don't care who you are or who you know - the guy before you hit on us too... and the guy before him and the guy before him... We're bartenders, --WE'RE NOT GOING HOME WITH YOU!!!!!

11. Waving your money at us just annoys us - We know you're there and we'll get to you when we get to you!!!

12. NO TIPPIE, NO DRINKIE! (Go back and read rule #9 again)

13. Do not COMPLAIN ABOUT PRICES!! Jesus.......if you want to act like a big shot and order an expensive drink.....don't ruin it by compaining about the price. Order something cheaper next time.

14. Yes, there IS alcohol in it! If you can't taste it, you've drank too much and I should cut you off! IF you want me to put another shot in it, you will pay for it.

15. NO SLEEPING ON THE BAR! if we wanted to see you sleep we would go home w/ you. (Read rule ten again)

16. Don't ask me to name EVERY beer in stock. You know what the hell you drink so just order it and stop wasting my time. I'll tell you if I don't have it.

17. If you are ordering food, don't ask me to read the menu to you. I am not your personal assistant. If you can't order your own food than don't leave the house.

18. If you do tip us well and we buy you a drink, DO NOT anounce to the WHOLE bar that the Bartender "hooked you up"…You will never get another free drink again!!!!

19. Please do not tell us your personal "stories" b/c we don't care and quite frankly....we just don't have the time. Just give us your order and tip us in dollars...not with paper roses or old valentines day candy.

20. Don't come to my bar and act like a big dog just because you are wearing a suit. Chances are I make more than you do and have more fun doing it so take a step back, relax and get over yourself.

21. If by some chance you've mustered up the courage to pass your phone number over the bar without my asking, flattered as I may be....I still may not call you so don't get all pissy and give me dirty looks on future visits to my bar.

22. DO NOT assume that we are allowed to give a few drinks away because not all bars are the same. And certainly DO NOT ask me for a free drink because you tipped me well. As much as I appreciate your generosity........I can assure you that your tip will not be enough to pay my bills for the month.

23. DO NOT ask me the price of every drink before you order. The only question you're allowed is "Do you have any specials?" Order what you want to drink. It's early, if you find that choice was to exspensive for your taste, you have plenty of time to adjust your next drink choice accordingly. Note: Beer costs less than hard liquor. Domestics cost less than imports. Anything you've learned to drink from rap videos or hollywood movies is usually priced out the ass so either bring a lot of cash to the bar or stop trying to be a high roller. OH, and IF U DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO TIP ALONG WITH PURCHASING THAT HIGHLY PRICED DRINK......U DON'T HAVE ENOUGH FOR THE DRINK. PERIOD YO!!!! You know who you are.

24. When ordering a mixed drink, the liquor comes before the mixer. Don't order a cranberry with vodka! It is vodka and cranberry.

25. When you finally get our attention do not turn around and then ask your group of friends what they want. We will walk away and make you wait until you are actually ready to order and that would be nice. We may make you wait longer!

26. Just be respectful and I'm sure you will see a difference in your bartender's response time. I know it's hard for some of you to understand what that means. If you still don't know, go back and read this whole thing over and over until you grasp a firm understanding of the concept. Thank you!!!! Now go have a good time.

27. Do NOT string-order your drinks. Tell me what you want... your FULL order, if I forget, I will ask YOU. If I come to you with your 2 little drinks and you say, " and can I get..." NO, you cant. I am busy, there are other people waiting, and you should've told me the first time I asked you what you wanted. Now you'll have to wait.

28. Do NOT ask me for a free drink on your birthday. Do you go to the grocery store and ask for a free loaf of bread too? Do you go to the gas station and ask for free gas? If I want to buy you a drink, I will if I feel like it. NOT just because its your birthday..

29. When you say, "I tip at the end of the night." or " I'll take care of you later." we already know you're going to be a cheap-ass and not tip at all. Nice try.

30. (Refering to #1) Even if you DO know my name, yelling it across the bar will not get me to serve you any quicker. As a matter of fact, it will probably annoy the piss out of me and will once again result in you waiting longer.

31. If you want the other bartender to serve you, dont ask me to get them for you. If you're standing in front of me, that is most likely my station and no, I wont go get them for you. Walk your happy ass down to the other end of the bar and get them yourself. I might throw in that you're probably not as special as you think and now you'll probably wait longer, because I could have served you.

32. (Refering #4) Do NOT lean as far as you can over the bar, in case I didnt see you. I see you. Really, I do.

33. If you use a credit/debit card, do NOT make me continuously run your card through for just one round. Open a tab. When you close it, be sure you are not going to want anything else. I am not going to run your credit card all night long each time you just want "one more round." Also, cash tips are always better! Thanks.

34. If you spill your drink because you're drunk, then NO, Im not giving you another one. You dont need another one if you cant hold on to the one I just made you. Also, if you tell me, "someone threw my drink away." well too bad! You shouldnt have left it unattended anyways!

35. If you want to buy a drink for "that girl over there" then I hope you know what she's drinking. I dont. And no, I wont go find out, or leave the bar to serve it to her.

36. Last call is LAST CALL! FINISH YOUR DRINK AND GET THE FUCK OUT! No, you cant stay after everyone else has left. You're not the only friend I have, nor are the first person to ask. Just leave before you get yelled at, or I do!

37. If I am nice enough to call a taxi for you, you better be outside when it gets there. Enough said

38: You may observe that I occasionally make drinks for some people more quickly than I do for you - this may be because they are friends, family, friends or family of my co-workers or the owner, fantastic tippers, or that they have followed the rules more accurately than you have. It is also possible that I am feeling salty, or that their bottle of Bud Light is quicker to grab than your Bloody Mary (with a twist). Don't take this personal . . . actually, go ahead and take it personally, I don't mind.

39: I am allowed to drink at my job (in fact, it is almost expected), but I must keep my inebriation to a tolerable and professional level - enough booze to have fun, but not enough to impair my abilities to walk, talk, count, work or make simple judgements. I have trained myself well at this, through years of trail and error. As such, I have literally NO respect for someone who CANNOT do this, someone who plays the 'oh, shit, I'm drunk' victim-card. Learn your own limits, asshole, because if you are fucked up enough to be even the slightest bit annoying to me, then I will hate you forever and I will treat you like the dog-scum you are. You ordered the drinks, you drank the drinks, you knew their was booze in there, and your low-ass tolerance is shameful to both of us.Drinking is fun, and bars are fun, but getting shitty and being shitty are unbecoming of an adult.

40. When ordering a large amount of shots for you and your friends, ordering the same shot - for example 7 SoCo limes - is a helluva lot faster than ordering 1 SoCo lime, 1 Jager bomb, 1 red-headed slut, 1 kamikazi... etc. You'll get your drinks a LOT faster and your bartender will be a LOT LESS annoyed and might even cut you a deal. Happy bartenders = happy bars!

41. If you order the rail/well special and don't say what you want, i will give you Tequilla and Coke and you will like it! Cause you don't know what is going on! Learn how to order a drink dumbass

42. If you are being an ass at last call, and you accidentally give me an extra twenty when closing your tab, you better believe that I am going to keep it!

43. When ordering a drink, please talk to me, and not my boobs. Yes, girls wear shirts to show them off and get better tips, but they can't hear you when you order a drink, and I sure as hell am gonna think you're kind of a creepo for not looking me in the eye.

44. We don't care if you know the owner. You're still not getting a free drink unless he personally orders it for you.

45. When you're having fun with many friends and that you ask for the drink's bill please be ready to pay quickly and never ever tell me : I'll pay my 2 beers, my friend there pay 2 sex on the beatch, he's paying one round of shot's and a vodka cranberry, he's...and so on...We don't have time to waste for shits like that (especially when we're busy), so please do it like that : someone pay the whole bill and you'll arrange yourself for who have to pay for what outside of the bar!!

46. Don't try to impress girls by ordering a "single malt on the rock's" when after that you ask me why there are ice cubes in your glass!!You're not in a movie, if you don't know what something like "on the rock's" means you'd better to order something like a beer, the perfect drink for the perfect farmer you are..

47. If you order a rum and coke while your friend orders an alabama slammer or a long island ice tea, please do not freak out at the fact that his/her glass is larger than yours because it will just make you look foolish (to put it nicely)...as someone said before, if you ever have a doubt, please just order a beer.

48. We don't care who you are, what you do, or who you know, hollar, whistle, wave your hands, or snap your fingers at us to get our attention while we're taking an order or making a drink puts you at the ass end of the line...for the rest of the night. We have eyes, we can see your drink is empty and we'll get you one when we get you one...shut the hell up and be patient.

49. If I tell you that you don't have a tab open it means: a) you opened it with a server, b) you opened it at a different bar in the building or c) you closed it 10 minutes ago and are too hammered to remember. Don't go to every bartender asking for your card...I'm sober or more sober than you, and got it right the first time.

50. And don't waste my time telling me how hot you think the female bartenders are. I work with them, so I already know this. And the answer is always "yes, she has a boyfriend" because it saves you the embarrassment of being rejected and her the time listening to you. Chances are she's going to see you get shitfaced and make out with a lagoon creature anyway, so just save your breath for the troll you're taking home tonight.

51. Do not be shocked or surprised at all if I make you a big round of drinks, especially when I am busy, and you tip like shit, that I am not shy in telling you in front of everyone, to fuck off and never come to me again. That stupid deer in the headlights look like you have no idea what I am talking about makes you look like a cheap moron. You want to avoid this, tip well.

52. And for the love of God, do not waste my time by simply coming up and ordering a glass of

water. Unless I have been giving you drinks all night, you tipped well, and you need the water, I will skip over you again and again until all the paying customers get what they want. It's tedious and annoying and chances are your cheap ass isn't going to tip for it. You want faster service, drop a tip in my jar when you ask for the glass of water or go to the water fountain that we have. That's what it is there for.

53. For the sake of the bartender's sanity, please DO NOT bang or pound on our bar. We are not your personal assistants, and do not answer to the snap of your finger, or to a bell. Doing so will result in the bartender telling you off, and not serving you, or possibly if you have pissed us off enough, we'll get you kicked out, or sent to another bar. This REALLY fucking pisses off bartenders.

54. Do not touch things on MY bar that is not yours. Keep your dirty hands out of my fruit, off of my straws, and away from my napkins. Chances are you're covered in some elses vomit or spit... please keep those germs to yourself.

55. DO NOT THROW THINGS. If your buddy is on the other side of the bar don't throw your ice at him to get his attention. Walk your stupid ass over there and talk to him. And if you hit me with something in your drunken attempts to get their attention you will leave the bar soaking wet, I don't care if you're dressed nice or if its 10 degrees outside. You shouldn't act like such a jack ass!

56- if you rented out the bar and the beer and drinks have been pre-paid for, dont just order your drinks and NOT tip. Its not like i wanted to come in 2 hours before my shift would normally start so i can poor drinks for nothing, bc i will

get on the loud speaker and call every single one of your cheap ass's out!!

57--Dont order shots for you and your friends then add in there to make one for myself, then when the total comes you pissed bc its so expensive. Just bc you think your being "smooth" by telling me to take one also, doesnt mean you arnt going to be paying for that one also.

58: Don't think that because you are of the opposite sex that you can sweet-talk, intimidate, or seduce an extra drink out of me. If I were that easy to persuade, I sure as hell wouldn't be working here. The only things that will get you preferential treatment are politeness (again, tastelessly hitting on a bartender is not polite) and generous tipping - I don't care how hot you think you are.

59. When ordering a round of shots, don't be a douchebag and have me make 6 and then decide you need three more after I'm done making them. Also when ordering shots: layered shots are cool looking yes. However, don't be a dick and order 15 of them when the bar is packed.

60. the bar is not SELF-SERVICE, hence, the reason for tipping. That means, DO NOT help yourself to anything across the bar including the garnish tray, the straws and napkins, or glasses under the bar!

61. Do not PRETEND or FAKE tipping us! We WILL know if you tip whether we're looking at you or turned away! Doing the motions of the tip and then walking away just makes you look remedial, and you will suffer for it if you dare come back to our station again!

62. Yes, the club is loud on the dancefloor, I think its time to adjust your hearing buddy because I've lost the ability to now hear what you want me to get you. DONT grab me by the neck pull me towards you and scream into my ear. I'm not your mate. Oh and it's called enunciation, if you're drunk enough to ask for a drink, at least make an effort!

63. If I've cut you off, it's cause either you're drunk staggering and about to make a real ass out of yourself..you've tripped over nothing and spilled your drink on someone...or maybe...it's just time for you to leave cause everyone (including me) wants you to go!Take it personal, if you want...but, it IS my call!

64.When i say its time to leave... its time to leave! I stopped getting paid 10minutes ago and believe it or not i'm not drunk, i'm not having "the best night ever dude!" and i want to go home and wash that stinkin bar smell out my hair! Put down the drink, its obvious you're not goin to finish it, and stumble your way out the door to the nearest cab... jump infront of it for all i care! I just want you the hell out!

65. If you think you have been short changed it could be for one of the following reasons: 1) your too drunk to count 2) when the bartender told you how much the round cost you decided it was a better idea to turn around to your mate and finish your conversation 3) you've been a complete arsehole, and the bartender has decided that it's his/her right to take knobhead tax!(Knobhead tax is quite frequent in bars that attract arseholes, which in your case is what you are, so if you want to pay the proper price for your selected beverages follow the rules, we'll be good on your pocket. A smile never hurts either, we are only doing our job.)